Hello? Mojo?

Good morning friends,

It appears my mojo escaped while I wasn't watching. The school holidays kicked me in the butt and I am waaaay out of routine!

Pretty sure I've put back on whatever weight I lost over the last six weeks and while I could wallow in self loathing and misery, I don't have time for that crap so I'm just going to get back on the wagon and and get on with it.

I'm going to go back to Operation Move basics and time table my week - this has been one of the best tools Op Move has given me. It's so simple and seemingly obvious but it has really helped me to realise that I actually DO have time to exercise for a few hours each week.

My plan for this week is to get three hours of exercise done and to stick to my calorie allowance with My Fitness Pal. I don't have bathroom scales so I'm going to go to my friend Mayra's place to weigh in and assess the holiday damage. It's not going  to be pretty.

I am 30 on November 18th this year and I would like to lose 20kg by then. That's 5kg per month, which is doable but I'll need to be strict.

The plan for the rest of this week:
Tuesday morning : 1 hour walk pushing the little dude in the pram
Wednesday afternoon: 3x20 squats/lunges/wall pushups 3 x plank holds
Thursday morning: 1 hour walk - pram pushing (Hair appointment in the arvo! Nice reward!)
Friday morning: Miss 7 home from school - will take a 1 hour walk along the beach where she can skate

If the weather is bad I can use a free gym pass on Tuesday or Thursday night.

So I'm organised. I have a few online buddies who are kick-starting this week too so I've got a little gang of supportive people to chat to which is nice. I also commit to being more active in the Op Move Facebook page - I tend to go quiet when I'm not doing so well.

Here's to transparency!

The photo that made me really glad I started this thing...

So, I'm about 7 kilos and over one dress size down. My energy levels have increased and I am exercising for over two hours a week - this is gradually increasing as I get fitter but for now it's SO much more than I have been doing over the last year or so and I'm proud of that.

Anyway... you know how sometimes it's easier to live in a state of denial than to actually acknowledge how serious things are getting? Well, I definitely have been doing that. Denying how big I was getting and how sick I was feeling and instead buying bigger clothes every few months so I could keep ignoring that serious change needed to happen. 

I just couldn't face it. The last few years have been very stressful and I was just managing to hang on emotionally. I didn't have the emotional energy to deal with my increasingly bad choices. Emotional eating, emotional laziness, comfort, lots of sitting, thinking that it was all making me feel better but in reality it made me worse....and worse and worse.

So I've actually changed things! I really have! And it's starting to show! And I'm proud of my efforts. 

Talk about the power of positive reinforcement! For the sake of transparency, I have spent the last month kick-starting with the help of Optifast and I am about to transition to a balanced 1300-1500cal plan in the next few days to ensure I am getting adequate nutrition and ensuring slow and steady losses until I reach my goal. 

I haven't addressed the title of this post have I? I'm feeling very challenged and embarrassed that I let myself get so out of control but I feel that it would be good to share so that I can remember how far I have come and how little changes and being consistent can have a big effect in the long term... That's what Operation Move is all about... little changes and consistency. Anyway... here it is. I'm struggling to even add it to the post but I know I need to. For me... no one else.

This is me with my little boy a few months ago. I honestly had NO idea at the time that I looked like this from the side. No wonder I was having so much trouble playing with my kids and doing simple things like crossing my legs when seated. 

I also recently participated in a film clip for Georgia Fields's new single The Hood and The Hunter and to be honest, when I saw my face pop up on the screen I was so shocked at how round it was. I took a comparison picture last night.

So YES! There's a difference and I am very proud and keen to keep going and feeling better every day. I am unsure if I want to post my weight and measurements... Do people want to know that stuff? Does it matter? I guess it's up to me and right now I don't feel like sharing that stuff. I'd rather focus on how I'm feeling.

I want to give a big shout out to the lovely and supportive people at Operation Move* who have been so generous, kind and caring. I wouldn't have achieved this had I not started the Get Moving program with you.

You may have noticed that this blog has changed. It was going to be a blog that I shared with my friend Yelka but things have changed and I've decided to keep the blog going with a different name.

Here is the gorgeous music video I mentioned above. I'm totes famous... albeit moon-faced. 

*Disclaimer: I am participating in Operation Move - Get Moving for free in exchange for sharing my story with you all. Good deal huh!?

The beginning again...

Hello from my writing desk... it's tea time... thank goodness.

Well hello there,

Welcome to my little bloggy-journally-spill my guts blog. It's really different to my other blog The Squee because here I just talk about me me me...totes self indulgent right? :)

Yelka will also be posting so stay tuned for her no doubt wonderful posts too.

I'm really trying hard to be positive at the moment because there are so many good things happening and lots of opportunities to express creativity and connect with people. It's really nice.

Despite these good things I can't ignore that I have been steadily gaining weight over the last three years since I gave birth to my little man and I really don't feel good. I medicate myself, my feelings and stress with food and I have completely lost the knack of knowing when to stop and how not to eat when I am not hungry.

This frustrates me no end because only four years ago I was at my fittest and healthiest and was helping other people to reach their own fitness goals. I wonder if I knew deep down that I wouldn't be able to maintain the weight that I had lost? Maybe... or maybe not. I couldn't know could I?

I need to figure out the WHY of my behaviour. Why does food comfort me? Why do I eat when I'm not hungry? Why do I eat in secret? What's it all about? How will I feel if i don't turn to food?

Some of that work will probably happen here.

I haven't weighed myself in a long time as we made a decision to get rid of the scales because we could hear our girls using them all the time (it beeped) and we didn't want them becoming fixated on how much they weigh. They are both healthy and active and within a healthy weight range so we thought the best option would be to remove them. I still maintain that this was a good choice but it also makes it more difficult for me to monitor my progress and I will need to find a way around it. Maybe weighing at the chemist? Or maybe if I can eventually afford a gym membership I'll do it there.

I estimate that I am about 112kg right now but will confirm that when I can get to some scales. I will also take some measurements and photos over the next week. I will probably eventually post them here but not until I have some progress pics to compare them to.

I know I can do this. I've done it before and while it seems so hard right now, it will get easier. It just will.

My plan of action is this:

Monday to Friday I aim for about 1500 calories a day and on the weekends a little more depending on what I'm doing. I plan to include more fresh veggies and salads and less processed food, sweet things and bread - but these things are not outlawed.. just limited. I am using the My Fitness Pal app to keep track of my food and exercise.

I am going to get my exercise plan from Kate at Operation Move* really soon but I know it will include three sessions per week. Due to my busy life, for now my exercise will occur on Thursday afternoons while Richie is at kinder and on the weekend when John is home. I need to keep it as simple as possible or it will all become overwhelming and I won't want to do any of it.

So here we are... Day one of tracking with the app. No veggies yet but I'll have some for arvo tea and I'm going to have a big salad for dinner.

It's nice to know I'm not going to feel this crap forever.

*Operation Move is a fabulous fitness program that I am participating in for free in exchange for me chatting about it on the blog. Good deal huh!?

Hey there!

Well hello there!

My name is Ashley and I live in Melbourne's west in the buzzing multicultural hub of Footscray. I am a writer, a student, a mother, a Social Worker, a crafter, a cook, a blogger, a wifey, a lover of the garden and of community.

I have had a tumultuous relationship with food and the bathroom scales and have ridden the roller-coaster of weight loss- weight gain- weight loss -weight gain for far too long. I am looking for a life long solution and I want to start today!

I am in love with chocolate and cheese... and bread with peanut butter. Unfortunately, my body doesn't like those things very much and as someone who has polycystic ovaries and who is very close to having the syndrome if I don't get this under control, I really want to create long term habits that are actually good for me.

I don't believe in starvation, severe restrictions, extreme exercise regimes, self hatered, negative self talk or other kooky shit. I do believe that I can lose weight and get fit in a way that is good for my mental health as well as my physical health.

I want to find my mob! My cheer squad! People in the same boat to me and who also want to get fit and healthy without getting all crazy about it. Is that you? Yes?? Well please say HI!!